Call me screwy, but…

oldnick's picture

One way or another, I am going to launch come January or so, and I was thinking about ways to generate a little buzz in advance of the release. Given by rather eclectic work history, I figured that a radically new approach is needed to market fonts…sex.

On a recent scouting expedition to Charlottesville, Virginia, I noticed an inordinate number of nubile hotties wandering about the campus, and I thought: what if I were to put out a casting call for Victoria’s Secret model wannabees, and set up a three or four-hour video shoot, during which time the young ladies would give their impressions of the most excellent qualities of some of MY fonts—you know: stuff like chic, sassy, stylish, brazen, pouty and—of course—wacky. Between my brother Jim, who is an incredibly gifted film editor and my kid sister Sid, who worked as a lighting designer for Lori Anderson, the Rat Pack and did a stint as an Art Director of MTV, we could probably put together a pretty classy production.

And classy it would be: all of the young ladies would sign model releases—the princely sum of one dollar American makes them legal, you know—and, of course, they would sign them BEFORE I rolled out the Margarita Machine—
The commercial itself will probably go viral, but the “Making of…” and the outtakes would probably get a lot of mileage, too. Jeez: even with my lame-ass product line, the first-day sales could well meet or exceed my expectations. Big time.

Of course, I think that it would be really cool for someone like Jill Bell or Jessica Hische to design my logo, but that might make for some awkward moments, since I wouldn’t be able to offer THEIR font—or any of you other dickheads’ fonts—as part of my product line, marginalized pariah that I am. Bummer.

Oh, well: Monotype rules. Right, guys? Anyhow, I am really curious as to how we will determine the winner of the tagline contest: “I want them…ALL.” Oh, hell: who cares? After fifty margaritas in a dozen coeds, it might boil down to a steel-cage death match…

hrant's picture

Fonts Gone Wild.


oldnick's picture

Look, bub: when I asked for someone to call me screwy, I didn't need to hear it from you. Of all people…

oldnick's picture

Now, really, people: didn't just a FEW of you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it?

No? Well, Jeez: I MUST be screwy, then. I laughed my ass off…

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