Hold onto your hats: the fun begins.

oldnick's picture

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: Select “All”; copy, paste and SAVE AS FAR OFFLINE AS POSSIBLE. Why? Because I say so? Maybe, but the reason WILL BECOME VERY OBVIOUS SOON ENOUGH.

So, a funny thing happened to me on the third of July. I made out checks to the power company, and for my rent. Unfortunately—silly me—I switched them, and the WRONG PARTIES got the RIGHT CHECKS. Which should NOT have been a problem if AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING ACTUALLY READ “Pay to the Order of”—which OUGHT TO BE A NO-BRAINER, BUT…

Thanks to the wonders of ACH, the funds were transferred DESPITE THE FACT that the payees were wrong. My money, in the wrong hands, and it's all the FAULT of automation.

Am I screwed? Well, maybe. On the other hand, EVERY SINGLE INSTITUTION USING ACH is also—potentially—totally screwed with no way out.

Why? Simple. Go immediately to your checkbook and write out EVERY CHECK you owen TO ANYONE who YOU KNOW uses ACH, and EVERYONE down the line who processes that check WITHOUT READING WHO IT IS SUPPOSE TO GO TO…is totally screwed. Big time. No way out. Not even in Federal Courts. But—here is what is even sweeter—especially in Federal Court.

Why? Well, CIVIL courts proceed on a scientific basis. You present a claim which you say is true (plaintiff), and it is up to the guy you are suing (defendant) to prove what you say isn't true. Simple? Too simple…because…

Mke your checks out to THE GUY you are suing—not by name, of course—simply write your checks out to THE GUY.

Then, by hook or by crook—or at a mom-and-pop ts-hrit shop—by any means produce a t-shirt which reads…

I'M THE GUY.

IF you have been paying attention, you KNOW how this plays out. EVERY CHECK you write that you KNOW GOES through ACH is made out to…

Who's that?

Me, because…

Well, how you you prove that YOU'RE the guy?

Well, how can you prove I'M NOT THE GUY?

And, brother, if somone can sucker the IRS into doing this ONCE…

By now, it should be readily apparent why this whole message began with a warning…wchich you had better heed RIGHT NOW…

Because, this particulat post is going to disappear soon…or as soon as ANYONE WHO IS TOTALLY SCREWED gets the faintest whiff of it.

No prob: it's going viral, and YOU ARE THE VIRUS? Why…

The only way to shut this up is TO SHUT DOWN THE WHOLE INTERNET. Which couldn't POSSIBLY happen. But it might, so you can go vial old-style: let another actual human being in on the joke, face-to-face. Live human viruses. Crazy, right?

And, ladies: just for laughs, do the VERY SAME THING. Because, if you say that I'M THE GUY in Federal Court, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PROVE SOMETHING which is patently false; the OTHER GUYS have to prove that it IS PATENTLY FALSE. Which they simply cannot do. Why? Because, everywhere they turn, they cannot disprove that…

Occupy Wall Street, hell: as soon as the first check goes through, WE ALL OWN WALL STREET, and…

Turnabout is fair play. So, big shots: bend over and spread 'em…

Hey? Whose idea was this, anyhow?

That would be me. Why?

Well, because—technically—I am THE guy. But I can't prove it. But I can. Technically. But nobody can disprove it. Because all these guys got t-shirts saying…

Well, I did say playing mind games with a lunatic was a bad idea. Lucky for you, this particular lunatic is on your side.

WALL STREET: GAME OVER.

I sure as hell I don't end up getting whacked for coming up with one of the most hilarious you-do-no-want-to-screw-with-ME pranks ever.

If so, please provide generously for my widow. Some of you folks ACTUALLY know who I REALLY AM…

NOW, would someone offer to buy me a beer to toast my old man. He clued me into how you play the players…

oldnick's picture

P.S. Forgive the typos: Word was not cooperative, and I thought this was a swell joke.

Which reminds me: Would a guy named Thé Guy be THE GUY? Or just Thé Guy? Beats me…

He COULD be…

oldnick's picture

Okay, I suppose that this is ONE hazard of being a very wacky guy on the internet.

I feel so silly. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf. Except this is REALLY TRUE...

{Image removed by moderators, for reasons that should be obvious. Pro Tip: When redacting, make sure you redact.}

If YOU can make sense of it, let me know. It appears to ME that a whole lot of MY money simply…

vanished. But, that's just me.

Hey, Hrant: top this: it ain't funny, but it is ABSOLUTELY REAL.

P.S. Don't worry: nobody else believes that something that is really real is real. It's on the internet. Only the obviously fake stuff is real. Or, virtually so…

Anyone care to friend me; or real me? Free? Unlimited? Maximum? Ultimate? Awesome?

oldnick's picture

In case anyone is interested…

And, I would presume from the lack of response, a lot of people are scratching their heads, but…in an odd way, what you see here is frightening. In certain Craigslist's forums, I established a cyber-identity as somewhat of a loon—if you can believe that. (Lozos!) Why? because I wanted to test a theory: if the solution to a REAL problem is loony, evidently, a lot of people who "reside" regularly on the internet WILL NOT BELIEVE that the problem is real.

This same post has been—or is in the process of being nuked because the forum regulars REFUSE to believe ANY of it is real: even when presented with the evidence you see. Which, when you think about it is frightening. Shoot the messenger—if you think that he's a loon—or, if someone ELSE "credible" says he's a loon—even if the "credible" source is, himself, clearly an acceptable kind of loon—which generally means hateful and confrontational.

O Joy. The "virtual" in virtual reality now means that nothing but nonsense is true, and the truth is nonsense. So—don't worry: I know that I have gotten a little nutty recently, but there was at least some method in my madness. I only wish that what I found out was not true.

On the other hand, I AM posting it on the internet, so who knows? It might—or might not be? Who DOES know? What's up with that? Hell: which was is up?

No more of that for me: time to settle in among the only sane people on the internet.

Right? Present company excepted. With a few notable exceptions. I DO NOT have to name names.

P.S. So, what I said upfront is true, but the "bad guys" didn't whack me: the patsies did.

Karl Stange's picture

Not sure what perspective I can lend from a conspiracy point of view as here in the UK we no doubt have our own fiendishly clever automated financial transaction systems (maybe PE-ACH or SEPA) which are a mystery to me. However, a quick search around what ACH is has immediately highlighted that they could probably use a font to support the related three letter Standard Entry Class (SEC) codes and the nifty icons on the "ACH Rules Online" site. Perhaps you are engaging in a modern digital Potlatch? I only hope that you are feasting and dancing as well.

Té Rowan's picture

Looks to me that the financial system in aMurrica is run by Yen Buddhists.

jacobsievers's picture

Did you redact your posted documents with gray? You might get more than you bargained for, after posting that image.

JamesM's picture

Nick, maybe your monitor is set a little dark, because like jacobsievers says the type you covered with dark rectangles is still visible.

HVB's picture

STRONGLY suggest that you edit your post with that image and delete it.

oldnick's picture

JamesM—

Thanks for trying to “clue me in,” but—I know; you know; the people who don't believe it's true? They don't know and don't care. Why?

Because the people who don't believe it's true, don't know and don't care. Do NOT try to make sense out of this. You WILL go crazy trying. And you DO NOT want to end up as crazy as me. Even IF I firmly believe that I am crazy good.

So, to their way of thinking: NOTHING I SAID IS TRUE, so why should ABSOLUTE PROOF matter?

Welcome to the Dark Side: a.k.a. the internet…everywhere else but here.

With few exceptions, and they know who they are, and so do we. Which, as one of the culprits, you would think that I would know this, but I will probably have to turn the argument into a circular argument before I convince myself. THAT is HOW screwed up things are in Virtual UnrealityLand.

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