So, how far IS it from Detroit to Milwaukee, anyway?

oldnick's picture

Because I am thinking—Danger, Will Robinson!—given the circumstances…

If I use my Delta Sky Miles to go to Dallas, the cheap bastards are going to MAKE ME go through Cleveland or Detroit to get there. Which seems kinda screwy to me, but works for them. I, unfortunately, still smoke—figuratively and, alas, literally—so…

On the one hand, Cleveland is better because they actually let you smoke in a designated “please kill yourself here” zone; whereas, in Detroit, they DO NOT let you kill yourself inside the airport: you MUST go outside to do that, and then comes back through security with a boarding pass, ALL before your flight leaves in a couple hours or so. Which sucks. But, actually, might not, if…

How abou…the “next connecting flight out” is not two hours off, but twenty-six hours off? Same time, same flight number probably, only a different date. What’s wrong with that? From where I am sitting, absolutely nothing. For Delta Airlines, on the other hand, it may just be one of those “unintended consequences” they will have a VERY TIME explaining away. Like me. Go figure.

Hey: you screw with me, I screw with you. Your game: your rules. Gotcha. But good. Plus, I spilled the beans in an internet forum. While it would be VERY nice for Delta to pay me a big wad of dough to STFU, that option will soon be off the table.

Or, maybe, I just don't tell them that the beans are thermodynamically, irreversibly spilt. Where? Typophile? Who the HELL are they? Nobody, really…well, THAT's not true but, if I'm bluffing, they do not NEED to know that. Okay? On the QT. On the down-low. Capisce?

One way or another, I gotta toast the old man with a Schlitz. It's the good sh*t…which, sadly, some people might find a contradiction in terms, but absolutely true.

Who the hell is buying, because I got a lot more material…

hrant's picture

Those seem too distant for land travel... Maybe you can find a cheap flight?

That said I myself am a big fan of super-long layovers, especially when it means getting in some extra tourism sans hotel costs. On the way back from ATypI-Leipzig in 2000 I managed to splice in a 16-hour layover in Amsterdam, which I had visited before* but relished seeing again. The problem is I hadn't planned for the eyeball-sized blisters under both my feet from haunting Leipzig on foot for 3 days after the conference... So I was really happy to finally board that flight home, especially since I hadn't slept for over 40 hours.

* And would most notably visit with my wife on our first child's first birthday, which, unbeknown to us just happened to be on Queen's Day... Indelible memories.

More recently I used a five-day layover via London to splice in trips to Istanbul and then Reading University on the way back. Never actually made it into London.

you screw with me, I screw with you.

In 1992 (so before the Internet tamed the airlines) when I had become tired of LA and decided to split for Barcelona some airlines actually charged more for one-way flights than round-trip*, which naturally made me quite enraged when booking through Northwest, so on the randomly-chosen "return" flight I made it a point to not only reconfirm but also to call their airport location an hour before the flight and tell them to please wait for me as I was running late, but was sure to show up right before they closed the gate...

* I have a theory as to why, but will wait to see if others can make more sense of that -thankfully past- corporate skulduggery.


oldnick's picture

Okay, Hrant—

I gotta admit: I asked you to give me a run for my money, and you delivered. Props, dude: I have to admit—before God, Nick Shinn (a close second) and the whole Typophile community—that you may well be—possibly—ALMOST as screwy as me. Almost. OTOH, I will also have to admit that when it comes to the “screwing with morons” part of screwy: you are the champ. Hands down. I, quite frankly, would not have the balls to pull off the stunt you pulled. You screw your way, I screw mine…and never the twain shall meet. But, it would be nice if someone could pick me up at the airport.

And, ladies and gents, if it is REALLY worth your while to see JUST HOW LARGE Hrant's balls are—and AREN'T WE ALL?—pony up and pay his airfare to Milwaukee, would ya? Jeez! The guy is a LAFF RIOT!

And, Lozos: bring the freaking trap drum, but eat your Wheaties! On the off—and i DO MEAN off—chance that he and I HAPPEN to end up in the same room, slamming down Milwaukee's finest brewski—in my old man's humble opinion—BELIEVE YOU ME—then, SOMEONE has GOT TO BE THERE to “punctuate” the money lines! Capisce? Or whatever the hell Lozos said the Greek equivalent is. I forget: it’s ALL GREEK to me!

Okay, Hrant, old buddy, old pal: I have done my level best to get you there—tax, title and license paid. NOW…

I need to get on the horn and try to screw with Delta Airlines’ mind (perhaps a contradiction in terms, but what the hell? Does ANYTHING make ANY SENSE ANYMORE?

Anyhoo…SOMEONE is GOING to BUY ME a Schlitz! And, hey: if I have played my cards right, it will be Hrant. Because—IF I have played my cards right—HE is going to OWE ME…BIG TIME! To the tune of…

(Lozos! Drumroll!)

One cheap beer! Sweeeeeet!

Now, THAT is a con my old man would appreciate, cheap bastard that he was. God rest his soul: he died twenty years ago, August 3rd. Close enough to TypeCon, one the money for the family get together I got to get to. As cheap as possible, because I HONOR MY FATHER.

Come on, people: WORK with me here!

hrant's picture

Easy, Nick, easy.


Té Rowan's picture


Ryan Maelhorn's picture

If you go, go up through the UP (Michigan's upper peninsula). It's worth seeing the Mackinac bridge alone.

oldnick's picture


Great! If I can get in touch with Jack Nicholson, I will ask him to bring the boo. Last time we shared it, I seem to recollect to recall—from what little I remember—that he had some pretty good stuff.

Or, a lot of it…the math works both ways…

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