Personal Logo Critique

omb's picture

Dear Typophile,

I have never posted here before and offer this thread to you as a plea for help. I admire the level of expertise visible on this board.

I am working on a personal logo and, although I have gotten it where I am suitably happy, areas of the script and swashes I have drawn feel clearly off for reasons I do not have the capacity to articulate. It is posted below in the hopes that I can be guided in the general direction to resolve this (as it is totally bugging the hell out of me).

Below is an image and attached is a PDF, for anyone who cares to look at it. Thanks!

Any comments on the logo generally are completely welcome, it's for my own portfolio / business cards etc.

Yours forever,
Nelson

AttachmentSize
omb_logo.pdf202.13 KB
studio punkat's picture

it looks great ! it looks like a vintage logo but with the name you've choose "one-man brand" (a good pun with "one-man band") i think you're in that kind of universe. so, let's go !

michaelbrowers's picture

Overall, I think it looks great. I only have one minor comment. The "e" in "The" needs a little work. I know that it is an "e" in context the word it is used in, however it looks more like an "o" than an "e." That said, the logo is very well done.

-----------------------
Michael Browers
www.michaelbrowers.com

paulsschwarz's picture

The h and e of The looks like they were done with a confident stroke of the brush, the vertical bar of the T however looks a little overworked. It's almost spot on but there's just something small that bothers me a bit. Or is it the lower swoosh that's a positioned badly? Not sure. Try this: try flip the graphic horizontally so you're "looking at it in the mirror" and see if it still holds together well. You might find this technique reveals to you some useful hint on how to finish it off perfectly.

Looks like a whiskey or old fashioned beer label. nice.

eliason's picture

Any thought of moving the lower swash to the bottom of the logo, below BRAND? Right now it raises and underscores "The," neither of which is necessary.

I'm getting a bit of "Jhe" instead of "The."

Maybe a hair more space between One and Man - unless you intended an interCaps look.

Kerning in BRAND - BR is too close, maybe a bit too much space around the A, too.

This is very appealing.

omb's picture

Thanks so much for all the valuable criticism and kind words.

paulsschwarz's picture

eliason is spot on with your kerning issue in BRAND and the spacing between One and Man.

The other comments are more or less opinions and valid ones at that, but I am going to say I like the underscore swoosh that you have right now simply because I think it adds a vertical dimension to your logo which is nice. Many logos lack that.

About eliason's comment of seeing Jhe, I wonder if this might be a solution:
Look at the top "serif" of the J, see how it points to the right. What would happen if you slightly had it extend to the left? I'm not a type expert so it's just a guess, but could work.

Pity CocaCola doesn't have a T in it because that would be your answer!

Kirs10's picture

First I like this a lot and think you have done a terrific job. However, I too see Jhe One Man Brand. Perhaps if the vertical of the T were to extend slightly higher than the h? So it's still not touching the cross bar of the t but is close to kissing it? Also I tend to want to nudge the underscore a tiny bit to the left, just a tiny bit.

Ratbaggy's picture

lovin the concept and the execution - agree with the kerning points made ... I like the swoosh below the 'The'too.

great stuff ... refreshing.

----------
Paul Ducco
Logo Design Melbourne

omb's picture

Here is an update on the logo. Thanks again for all the advice and criticism.
I think i am geting much closer and a little bit of finessing will get this precisely where I want it.

I have made most substantial changes to the T for this iteration, given all the script letters a more consistent angle and weight, and tilted the entire "the" about 10 degrees clockwise to level it out more with the main text.

paulsschwarz's picture

ONE MAN is now spaced ok but BRAND still has kerning issues, it looks like BR A ND

I'm going to go ahead and say I prefer the "The" from the first one! What I liked a lot about your first attempt was that "The" was leading the eye upward a bit, now it's very much a flat horizontal logo. Other people might disagree with me but I really liked it before.

paulsschwarz's picture

I've been meaning to say... nice avitar!

Miss Tiffany's picture

Nice logo.

I think the issue is you have two different problematic words. MAN reads looser than ONE. I'd loosen ONE up. Sorry to post after more work has been done.

omb's picture

I am listening to everything. (Thanks for the compliment on the avatar Paul.) And all criticism is of value.

Specifics with spacing and kerning I seem to struggle with. I get so caught up in microscopic changes I have a tendency to ignore the bigger relationships.

I think there is some truth to the claim that the first is more appealing, in my efforts to stabilize it I have effectively neutralized some of the embellishment and indeed verticality I initially had. I am working on a medium between the two, using a more restrained stem for the capital T.

Again, thanks for all the help.

Clint-Anglin's picture

No one else has mentioned this so perhaps it's only me, but I think there are kerning problems with the words "ONE MAN". Specifically, the spacing on both sides of the A is more open than the rest of the line. There are three possible ways to fix (or at least improve on this):

1) Tighten up the spacing on each side of the A. To make the spacing exactly visually equal it would probably be necessary to let the bottom serifs of MAN touch each other, which you may or may not like depending on your personal preferences.

2) Open up the spacing of the rest of the line to match the spacing around the A. Again, you may or may not like this option.

3) The third option would be to fudge between the two previous options: Close up the spaces on each side of the A until the lower serifs are almost, but not quite touching. Then open up the spacing of the rest of the line a little -- again not quite enough to exactly match the visual spacing around the A. The result will be a line that, although not exactly spaced equally, is close to equal without resorting to the extremes of the first two options.

alexfjelldal's picture

The swash is too similar to the 'T' crossbar. it should be of a differsnt size or shape. It stands too close to 'the', and makes it less legible.

RWinn's picture

Overall I think it is a very strong wordmark..I do agree with the other comments that the letterspace between the "O" and the "N" and the "N and the "E" should be a bit more open. I would also rethink the letter forms for the word "the" maybe some thing more tied in so there is less jhe confusion..and maybe simplify with loosing the swash under the word...I don't think you need it..still a very nice design.

RWinn's picture

Overall I think it is a very strong wordmark..I do agree with the other comments that the letterspace between the "O" and the "N" and the "N and the "E" should be a bit more open. I would also rethink the letter forms for the word "the" maybe some thing more tied in so there is less jhe confusion..and maybe simplify with loosing the swash under the word...I don't think you need it..still a very nice design.

Pentapus's picture

I agree with the positive reviews.
Perhaps the "e" looks a bit like an "o" because of how the "T" and "h" are leaning. It looks to me like those two letters are leaning forward while the "e" is almost upright if not leaning back.

I'm not saying to pull back the angle of the "T" & "h". I think its best to match their "oblique-ness" with your "e".

Besides that the symbol/script quality of "The" compliments your main type choice well. I enjoy the extra space in "brand" and the tightness of "One Man". Though maybe those 2 words need a hair more space between them (sorry to nit pick).

Good job.

TheMXkiD's picture

I like it, I agree with some of the points raised. Have you put it into context yet? Have you mocked up some business card designs to see how it works? Would be interested to see those!

I am BRAND new to Typophile by the way

jayyy's picture

Nice work Nelson. It reminds me of a design company name I heard of many years ago but I cannot remember where. I really like it though - are there any others out there?

omb's picture

I am overwhelmed by the explosion of commentary on this. And deeply flattered at the level of positivity associated with it. Thanks for all the feedback and critical comments thus far.

I owe everyone an update, albeit minor. All the criticism of the letter "E" (either it is leaning to the wrong side, hurting legibility, or looks like an "o") led me to the realization that it kind of looks like a flat tire. I redrew it as more of an italic than a script.

Still needs work on integration with the rest of the word.

It may seem like I am extending this project out to levels of preposterous detail, but I am only doing so because I am learning so much throughout the process.

jayyy's picture

Nelson,

I am afraid I much prefer the 'flat tire'. The new script is disjointed and does not flow from the 'h'. I think you should redraw it in between the two iterations above.

Justin_Ch's picture

Same feelings as jayyy.
The connector between the script h and e should come up at a similar angle to the loop of the h. That will give your script more of a flowing rhythm and will allow you to join to the e in a similar way to the old version but at a height closer to the new one. The new crossbar of the T is a lot better.

Ratbaggy's picture

like the new refinements but have to agree the original 'e' (flat tyre) has a nicer flow

----------
Paul Ducco
Graphic Design Melbourne

Sharon Van Lieu's picture

OT - the problem with using google chrome is that I can't hit the escape key to turn off your avatar, Paul.

Sharon

Henrik Tandberg's picture

I just want to say

Love the pun!:-)

I prefer the old "the" but i think the stem of the new T is better.. Also I agree with the comment of opening up "ONE" (I think ONE MAN is pretty tight now, and will maybe not look as good smaller, so my advice is, loosen it up.)

Good luck with this. Please show some physical things when they are printed

2 x 2 = 5

nhaas's picture

nelson: what typeface was used here for "one man"

j_polo9's picture

I like the new the... or the old one. Both cool. Fun logo. reminds me of cola, cowboys and jeans. not sure why.

Syndicate content Syndicate content