Crit My Work..whats working whats not

U_bgamache's picture

Look at this esign i did for my Type 2 class for a cooking event Participants and Programme.
they have to work as a pair, and follow a system closely tell me what you think

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typesketchparticprog2.pdf342.37 KB
AndrewSipe's picture

what's with the brown line? Are you trying to emote any type of feeling, or style? Right now, it feel very sterile. Honestly, the type choice (Optima?) isn't the strongest for something as simplistic as this.

ChuckGroth's picture

i agree with Asvetic. the beige vertical seems to call attention to jesus alberto and, on the right, the wednesday agenda, without really telling me why.
i was also confused as to the differing top alignments for the columned text. i'm not saying you didn't have reasoning for it, only that it wasn't apparent to me.

ChuckGroth's picture

what would happen, for instance, if you lost the hr between columns. is it necessary? the gutter already suggests the vertical line anyway. then it might be possible to move the biege rule either left or right to serve as a more connective element -- almost an echo of the gutter -- for the asymmetry you seem to be looking for.

jason's picture

As above, the varying baselines of the two columns is a problem. Unlike Chuck's generous comment, even if you had reason to use different baselines, don't; no matter what it's likely to be perceived as an error even if it's not, so you're setting yourself up to look sloppy rather than clever (although clever is often worse than sloppy).

Also ditto on the font: Optima is dead.

Also ditto on the brown rule; I have no idea what it's doing there, which means it's not doing anything there.

timd's picture

While you are doing those changes you might change United-states, United kingdom, Republique Populare of China, Singapor and jesus on one and on the other begining, there may be other errors. I think you have loose word spaces affecting your right and left ranging text on the righthand layout. The righthand vertical rule only seems to be there for the heading to hang off, but it is a stretch to imagine that, ultimately I would lose the vertical rules and align the headings on one of the other columns.

Tim

ChuckGroth's picture

yes. i didn't want to get into the spelling/capitalization issues yet, but they will have to be corrected. ben might also want to consider a mirrored grid to balance the spread...

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