In terms of readability it works very well, there are some areas I would look at, like the terminals of the y's and just how far the ascender on the d has to go and still remain a d without resembling a p in the opposite direction, is the swash on the K of Kendall contributing, whether it is possible to make the part of the i of Kylie that swashes below it into a part of the y. Generally I would look at keeping a consistent stroke weight, comparing the a,e with the i,y. Tricky project, but getting there.
Tim